New Look

    I've been searching for things to give me thrill in life after getting sick.  I regret not enjoying when I ws perfectly normal and kept delaying things thill it isnt aas convenient for me to do a lot of things now.  I know I'm not so into extreme events in the past but I now seek adrenline rush to mask the boredome in my life these days.
    I was insane enough to have my hair permed yesterday.  I have never had my hair done in the 27 years of my life, not even for special events ike my graduation.  The hair styliist even asked after the whole 3 hour long procedure was done if I was preparing for a dinner or something and I replied 'it's for the heck of it'.  I've never experience having my hair washed so many times before-once after every procedure. There was even a point I felt my brain was being friend in the machine! Now I feel I look like Medusa!  I honestly don't know how to manage my hair! 
    So what's next to try in life?  I guess time will tell.
   

Disappointed

Sometimes you just don't know what has happened...people simply change and you don't even know why.  The person you treated as a true friend seems to have preferred listening to whatever crap other people have been saying.  The fact that no attempt was made to even made to discuss matters together seems to show how much the person cherishes the friendship. 

In conclusion....

Finally, I can proudly say the doctor at 104 are wrong...all the suffering they have put me through arguing that I have this and not that and blah, blah, blah have all been wrong!  My results are back.  It has ruled out numerous leukodystrophies.  Therefore, it can be concluded that I have Multitple Sclerosis!!!!

Realization

    There was a period last week that left me extremely discouraged and grumpy.  I felt the people I trusted, whom I was willing to help, betrayed me.  I tried to control my temper but snapped when a contractor was trying to take advantage of me.  I screwed him!  My life would be at stake of the fusebox malfunctioned because I paid for a good brand but a cheap, lousy type was installed in my home.  I threatened the man that if I were to burn to death or be electrocuted, I would return as a lost soul to take him with me!  That was the pent up anger in my heart that I had for the people in my damn country, the damn country where I suffered. 
    In my life, i have been considerate enough to think of other people before doing anything but have realized there are actually people out there who may have lost their brain or heart along the way.  Out of sheer desperation and because I was questioned as to whether my Professor Dr would ask me to carry out the medical procedure, I emailed the Professor to share my predicament.  He was more than willing to refer me.  This touched my heart.  When i received the letter today, I wanted to cry.  I had even told him to state that I requested to see the other dr myself so he would be at no liability whatsoever for referring me.  To my surprise, he didnt write anything like that.  I was referred as his patient as there were doubts on my diagnosis. 
    I wish there were compassionate drs in my state.  Our world is so complex that it consists of so many types of people and problems.  Like in terms of friends, there are those who stab you in the back and leave you to bleed and those who walk with you till the very end.  Each step of the way, I am learning.  Perhaps its with all this that i am able to grow stronger in life and realize how to overcome each problem. 
   

Life Sucks But It Goes On

    I was diagnosed 16 June with mild glaucoma.  I cant help but think of all those times I went to see other opthalmologist in the past and its only now that I'm being diagnosed with it.  Yes I wanted to cry.  I mean, I am now already in a difficult period of my life and I do not need other issues to worry about. 
   I blame the bitch doctor for giving me all this grief.  If it's not because of her, I may not have had so many relapses, I wouldn't be sent to the opthalmologist to be checked for optic neuritis to end up with glaucoma instead. 
    I have yet to do many things in life and therefore I can't and won't give up!  I will fight until the very end.  I know my doctor in Butterworth is trying her best to be there for me.  I really appreciate it.  I feel it's people like her that's God-sent.  As for those who have betrayed me, they will get their return someday.  And so life just goes on... 

I can't help but laugh like I'm insane

    After months of waiting, my biomarker results are out!!!  And it's negative!!!!  I know the damn doctors from PGH are gonna say negative doesn't always mean negative but heck it's 70% that I do not have NMO!  That's a high chance, don't you think??  And if results mean nothing, then why were they so eager to find out in the 1st place?     I'm not trying to be arrogant to say I told you so but I feel that bitch doctor has gone overboard in causing me so much grief!  It's time for her to bang her head against the wall, get down on her knees and pray that God will open the eyes of her heart!!

If Only Life Was Like a Fairy Tale

    Perhaps I've read too much while I was a kid but I've always wished life was different.  I've always hoped for a price to take me out of this God forsaking land, that I can do the things I've always yearned to do in life, that i would be able to achieve all I've ever dreamed of. 
    I guess I've been too ambitious.  I've built things up to lose everything again.  Strove my ass off to end up suffering when dreams are shattered once again.  I've been getting tangible stuff that many people would say is an act of insanity or plain wastage but these are the only things that I can hold on to and own. 
    I want but I'm a top scorer in Economics so I fully understand the theory of opportunity cost due to the limited $$$ that I hold.  Wish I could win the lottery so I don't have to stay here, in this damn hell that I'm in now?  I'm just tired of having parents who seem to enjoy ruining my life because they enjoy giving me extra burdens to worry about.  When people tell me famiily is the best, I will laugh because i feel family are the ones who can kill you and get away with it.

My Supply

    Received news on Thursday that my supply of interferon has been renewed.  I now have to wait for the drug company to send the supply over to the pharmacy.  So far its coming to 8 months since my last relapse and well I'm happy!  Based on prior history, I've been having relapses every 3-4 month when I'm not on the drug.  If you ask me, this fact already proves that the drug has helped in controlling whatever disease I am having now.  Results for the NMO IgG have yet to be released yet so I'm still waiting.  Whether my results are positive or negative, I'm hoping to prove my point.  The medical field is not meant to be so rigid.  They say NMO can only be treated with immunosuppressants.  So even if my results come out positive, the fact that interferon has worked in curbing the progression of the disease will prove my point.  If it comes out negative then it's I TOLD YOU SO!  So many doctors have been saying I have MS but there are still those who are arguing that I dont have that.  Only time will tell....

Ignorant people!!

    I feel highly irritated.  No it's not due to PMS!  More of due to the ignorant nature of people in life.  I didn't have to be brought up to understand and think about other people's feelings.  It's an innate ability of mine to think before i speak.  However there are just people who are just so inconsiderate that I can't help but wonder if their skull is empty.  Or perhaps i should make them feel how they make people feel.  But then again, i don't want to be like them.  Life sucks!  

Good Ol' Friends

    The fact that I am able to get in touch with people I've never spoken to in 15 years is really a blessing.  They were classmates from elementary.  Though we have'nt spoken for so long, its amazing the things we can chat about.  I wouls love to find more classmates but there are certain people whose last names I cant seem to recall.   But hey able to clean the cobwebs of many people's memories!  I do hope to be able to get in contact with more people and visit them one day.  It would be a heck of a reunion!

If I Had A Million Bucks

    Let's just face it, if I had the money, i would buy a plane ticket and leave this damn country for good!  I'm highly irritated with everything that's been going on lately.
    The standard of health care in the country already needs improving and yet we have ministers reducing the period required for housemanship.  I guess they wouldn't care losing a few innocent patients due to the 'negligence' of their staff since theres always 'backdoors' and 'rugs' to sweep things under.
    Based on personal experience, there are housemen (note it's plural) who don't even know how to insert an IV head into a vein.  Some even behave like kids in school, beating other colleagues with their stetoscope. 
    And my conclusion is, Malaysia Bolehkah?  I'm still waiting for them to prove my point wrong!

Things don't look good...

    Grandma fell at nite 3 weeks ago and had a minor stroke.  Other than bruises, she was still able to eat and talk though the stories she told were ridiculous.  Said there were to Indian having sex at a room 'back there' and my dad had to chase them out!  When I asked my dad about this, he got shocked and laughed.  So that's how we knew granny's brain signals got haywired somewhere. 
    It's almost a month since she was admitted and thanks to the 'professional ' care of the drs, she's now in a death bed.  She lost so much weight, I feel she's thinner than me.  She no longer knows how to even suck a straw and can't swallow a spoon of milk without choking.  There's been slight improvement these few days as they force-feed her using a tube now.
    My 'hell' begins this coming Saturday, 17th because a bitch cousin is coming back to supposedly see grandma.  She can't even pay for her own passport or plane ticket.  Another cousin arranged everything for her because he's scared grandma can die at any moment.  I'm praying somehow, someway she doesn't get out of the plane as shes a useless bum who just knows how to butt in people's business and ruin a person's peace.  She expects everyone to feed her and her whole family while she enjoys life without working.
    I've a baseball bat ready to wack her if she gets on my nerves, a rubberband gun used to shoot lizards which I will not hesitate to use against this giant 'lizard', a basketbchopall which I can use to test my aiming and knives in  the kitchen to chop her into pieces if she drives me insane!  That's is how much I hate her! 
    3 damn weeks of having a pesticide in the house....I wanted to arrange a trip for myself so I don't have to be around but mom says 'what if grandma dies while I'm not around?'.  She's also afraid I may get injurewd again.  Life just sucks.  I just fell last Friday and have a giant, swollen bruise on my left leg. 
   5 more days of peace and counting....

Singapore appointment

Was in Singapore beginning of this month for the long awaited appointment with the neurologist there to have the special test done.  What are my comments regarding the appointment?  M doctor looks young!  No white hair!  I'm hoping the people who reads this doesn't know him...

He needs 3 more  patient's blood to be sent over to Japan for testing.  I wanted to book a flight in July or August but my mom was making noise saying results won't be ready yet but I found out today that results should be ready by May.  Too late cos i already paid for my flight tickets.  Next trip to Singapore is September.

He feels my case looks more like NMO than MS...same basis as to why I was arguing with the drs in Penang GH that what I had in 1999 is ADEM and not MS.  He's aware im on interferon now and until results prove otherwise, I can continue on that.  He also doesn't feel it can be Krabbe!